Task Force Martilyo, On the Job

Posted at 02/05/2013 4:15 PM

Last week, hammer-wielding crooks smashed the glass cases of a jewelry shop inside a Manila mall and escaped with the contents. Stung into action, our police announced their dramatic initiative for catching the bad guys: go to hardware stores and investigate all customers who are buying hammers. And also heavy wrenches -- because, you know, they can also, uhm, shatter display stands?

We can guess the police immediately formed elite investigation groups, probably called "Task Force Martilyo" and "Task Force Liyabe." Who knows, just to be on the thorough side, they might even also have set up a "Task Force Medyo Malaking Bato."

Let's imagine how this well-coordinated operation must be going:

Inside a hardware store

Policeman: Excuse me sir, yang bang binili ninyo ay martilyo?

Customer: Ay, hindi po ser, acetylene blowtorch lang, para sa bank vault.

Policeman: Ah, okey

In another store

Policeman: Sir, bumili ba kayo ng liyabe?

Customer: Of course not! This is a metal saw for cutting through tough steel bars of pawnshops.

Policeman: Sige sir. Hups, misis, teka, what do you have there?

Female Customer: It's a hammer

Policeman: Aha, may permit ba yang martilyong yan?

Female Customer: Permit?

Policeman: Hala, dalhin sa presinto. Task Force Martilyo, on the job.

Meanwhile, other cops swiftly round up a group of highly suspicious hammers, lining them up against the wall so that crime scene eyewitnesses can pick out possible miscreants

Inspector: Do you recognize any of these hammers?

Eyewitness: It's hard to say, the hammer I saw was dressed differently.

Inspector: What about that one standing over there? Doesn't it look suspicious?

Eyewitness: It looks like a Stanley

Inspector: Did you hear that boys, that hammer has an alias!

Eyewitness: Er, it's a brand, many hammers are Stanley

Inspector: Aha, so it's a the Stanley gang of hammers we're dealing with! We're getting close, I can feel it

Commotion and animal screeching

Inspector: Police officer 1, what are you doing dragging that chimpanzee into the station?

Policeman: Suspect, sir, monkey wrench daw.

At the same time, the police who aren't on this case are undergoing rigorous simulated exercises to practice them in proper police procedures.

Superintendent: All right men, you are going to rescue tourist hostages trapped in a bus with a gunman! What do you do?


Superintendent: Now, you're practicing to deploy a checkpoint in a provincial road! What do you do?


Superintendent: For this exercise, you're asked to arrest a suspect who is unarmed and wearing only shorts and shirt! What do you do?


Superintendent: Police officer 2 why did you stop firing!

Policeman: Ser, I was simulating picking up the suspect's briefcase full of cash.

Superintendent: Good job. Carry on.

And then, finally, in a surprise operation, the police move to decisively crack a certain famous massacre by arresting and interrogating a major suspect -- the backhoe

Police interrogator: Oh, anong masasabi mo?


Police interrogator: Silent type ka pala?


Police interrogator: That's ok, we have all the time in the world to solve this case

* * *