Rising idiocy rates make another Marcos presidency possible, says loyalist

Posted at 07/04/2014 7:25 PM

Philippine national amnesia and idiocy rates have at last reached the point where another Marcos presidency is possible, a slimy loyalist announced yesterday.

"It's finally happened, imbecility has reached critical mass - and a Marcos presidency is a go", exulted Crawl Parole, low-level loyalist, part-time grocery bagger and amateur bodybuilder.

In an online interview attended by this reporter and dozens of Parole's fake sockpuppet identities, the loyalist said: "We are so thrilled - national IQ is down, amnesia is up, and just as important, our country is once again rich enough to be plundered in the thorough way that only a Marcos can plunder. YES!"

Loyalist Parole said these considerations lay behind the announcement this week that Ferdinand Marcos Junior will run for the presidency in 2016.

The late Ferdinand Marcos senior ruled as a brutal dictator from 1972 to 1986, when a people power uprising chased him and his family out of the country. His one-man rule murdered thousands of innocent people, and detained and tortured tens of thousands more. Ruling by decree, the dictator smashed constitutional freedoms, ruined the economy and corrupted national institutions. The Marcos family is believed to have stolen at least 10 billion dollars, loot which remains stashed abroad.

"Tell me," Parole asked, "do you remember the looting? The plunder? The human rights violations? The lying? You don't? EXCELLENT."

After Marcos Senior died, the family was allowed back to the country and several members, including renowned shoe addict and popular Jabba the Hutt impersonator Imelda Marcos, were elected into high public office.

But, Parole stressed, nothing beats getting the presidency.

"You think this pork barrel scandal is big stuff?" Parole asked. "Just wait 'til a Marcos gets elected - then you'll see what real lying, looting and plundering are. This is the family that patented election fraud, remember.

"We are looking forward to a brand new Gagong Lipunan."

He said the emergence of a Marcos as a presidential candidate was the result of hard work of supporters.

"We owe it all to years of work of a dedicated bunch of Marcos loyalists, their fake accounts, their non-stop lying...

"Excuse me while I shed a few reptilian tears," Parole sniffed.

He explained that now, "we loyalists are busy brainstorming campaign slogans.

"How does this one sound? This Country Can Be Raped Again."