My Christmas Headline Wish List

Posted at 12/03/2012 10:25 AM

 Here is my wish list of headlines from Santa:

- “ Ampatuan Clan To Spend Christmas In A Small Room”

Ampatuan Sr., the head of the clan accused of mass murder, will be spending Christmas with his loved ones in a closely supervised location in Muntinlupa. “The quarters are tight but it will be an occasion to bond,” he said. “ Right now I would kill for a room upgrade.“

- “Political Dynasties Quit Politics”

In a meeting at an undisclosed bunker in Makati, the different family dynasties unanimously voted to resign from public office. “ One can no longer make an honest living from politics”, said the group’s spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous for fear of public reprisal. “ It is an unpopular move but sometimes one has to do what is right.” President Aquino lamented the announcement: “Their exit leaves a void which will be hard to fill.”

- “China Donates Scarborough to the Philippines”

Newly elected Chinese President Xi Jinping announced at the 18th Party Congress he was gifting Scarborough Shoals to the Philippines: “Christmas is the season of giving. We also never had much use for the piece of rock.” In appreciation, P-Noy gave Mr. and Mrs. Xi and family tickets to the next J.Lo concert.

- “Church Lobbies For Controversial RH Bill”

In a surprising turn of events, the CBCP is urging lawmakers to pass the RH Bill in time for Christmas. “It is unacceptable the bill should be held hostage by politicians. Who do they think they are, God? They will suffer the wrath of the Catholic vote come May.”

Disclaimer: The views in this blog are those of the blogger and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABS-CBN Corp.