One Sunday morning, in a far away land called America, Vice President Al Gore visits a city in the south west--El Paso, Texas. He sees all the Hispanics there which reminds him of his trip to the Philippines a few weeks from now. He sees smog over the horizon rising from the Mexican factories across the border and wonders if bus and jeepneys in the Philippines are comparable. Suddenly, a bruised Chicano couple with a huge bag runs in front of him.

Gore: Hola! Welcome to the United States!

Latino (startled): Hola.

The Chicanos continue running after they crossed the border, and Gore wonders if the Filipinos will run away from him too when he visits them. After all, many people hate his “Inconvenient Truth.” But he is hoping that the new Philippine VP will welcome him. He hopes that she will be someone who also believes in nurturing the environment, and he hopes that it won’t be what Obama calls a “Fat Cat”—an investment banker or mortgage lender who ruined their economy. The Democrats who are now in power are only too willing to help people like Gore and to shun those who ruined America.

Meanwhile, Mar, Loren, Jamby and Nick continue to campaign in the Philippines. They see each other by coincidence during their campaign, and Mar sees a huge billboard of Gore at the SM Mall.

Mar: Climate change? Bullshit! What do we need Gore for. That’s all nonsense!

Nick: Climate change may be more natural than man-made. But we do know that pollution does harm human health. That’s an undisputed fact.

Jamby: Our problems here in the Philippines are actually more basic.

Loren: We need to close our open sewage systems and build sewage treatment plants. We cannot tolerate belching vehicles. And we need to reduce our garbage.

Mar: What the hell for? I don’t understand the need for it.

So Mar leaves and takes a break at the men’s rest room. He puts down his pants and sits on the toilet until his shit falls out from his butt. He flushes his shit and it goes through pipes that eventually lead to an open sewage canal. Then Loren notices it as it passes by.

Loren: Yuck! That’s probably Mar’s shit! Nothing else could be stinkier!

Jamby: How do you know?

Nick: Well, it looks like his face.

Mar’s shit then goes through a pipe that leads to Manila Bay. Somehow, it keeps going until a small school of fish feed on it. (Just like rabbits which eat their own feces, sometimes animals feed on it to redigest wasted nutrients.) Eventually, the fish that ate parts of Mar’s manure are caught by Navotas fishermen. They then sell it to the wet market vendors, but some of it ends up as canned sardines. The people who eat it then hail Mar as their “Palengke King” since his shit is tasty for them. But some parts of Mar’s shit gushes away where a Whale shark gulps it. The shark then swims toward Subic Bay and gulps more shit from the untreated waters of Olonggapo. Starting to feel its tummy ache, it swims southward toward Boracay where it gulps more shit from the tourists that swim in their own untreated shit. However, the shark swims away and reaches a tourist spot for whale watchers, but it is eventually poisoned by Mar’s shit, together with all the garbage it swallowed, and dies. European tourists eventually see the dead Whale Shark beached on the shore.

Euro Tourist 1: We should’ve ignored this country like other Europeans. All they have here is shit, unlike in Indonesia, Thailand, Myanmar and Vietnam where they have Buddhist temples that attract millions of tourists every year. All they have here are shit and Catholic churches that remind me of the time a priest molested me and kissed my ass.

Euro Tourist 2: Yeah, we’ll just tell all our friends to skip this country next time.

But the story of Mar’s shit does not end there. Unless a miracle happens, which is unlikely, Mar will win in the elections and his shit will haunt Filipinos for the years to come.