Why Janelle Manahan won't visit Ramgen's grave
Admits trauma 2 years after Ramgen slay
MANILA -- Janelle Manahan said that while she has managed to "live a normal life" two years since the death of her then-boyfriend, actor Ramgen Revilla, she still feels traumatized whenever October 28 nears.
Revilla was stabbed and shot dead by a masked attacker on this date in 2011, inside his house in BF Homes, Parañaque City. Manahan, who was shot in the face, survived the incident, but had to undergo several facial surgeries and electrical stimulation therapy.
"Actually I didn't realize that I still have trauma doon sa date na 'yon itself," she told ABS-CBN News' Marie Lozano in an interview on Wednesday.
"I'm okay na, like on a regular day, I feel like I'm living a normal life again, but kasi when it's the 28th of October... Last year kasi, I was busy, I was with people," she said.
But this wasn't the case this year.
Manahan said she somehow felt scared when she spent the most part of Monday alone at home. "So I really went out of the house and did something and stayed out until mga 1 a.m. because I didn't want to be there at that date and the time when it happened two years ago," she said.
"May fear pa rin ako that it might... For some reason, I feel like it's going to happen again, so I cannot be alone talaga," said Manahan. "But hopefully, I'll try next year to just stay and overcome it na. But right now, I'm not ready yet."
At odds with Revillas
To commemorate the second death anniversary of Revilla, Manahan said she offered a Mass. "I prayed for his soul, but that's just it," she said.
"I wanted to go doon sa puntod niya, but of course, I was worried about my security also, kasi for one, it's their territory," she added.
Manahan was referring to the family and relatives of Revilla.
She had accused his siblings, Ramon Joseph and Romana Bautista, of being behind the late actor's murder. Ramon Joseph is now behind bars, with his camp filing several petitions for bail. Ramona's whereabouts, meanwhile, have yet to be identified.
"Before kasi I went [to Ramgen's grave] na hindi nagpapaalam, so I think it was not a good thing. Nagalit ata sila sa akin. They called me 'bastos' for not asking permission, so I didn't want to do that again.
"But then, if I ask for permission, I would be worried about my safety naman kasi baka they'll be there and I'm not secured naman. 'Yun lang, basically. As much as gusto kong dalawin siya doon sa puntod mismo, I cannot do that," she said.
While she regrets not being able to visit Revilla's resting place, Manahan said she finds comfort in the words of her grandmother -- "Doon lang siya nilibing, but that doesn't necessarily mean na nandoon lang siya."
"So what's important for me is to pray for his soul, na mag-rest in peace siya. That's what matters naman, not really going there to visit him. Because I pray for him every night, still, and I think that's what important," she said.