Why couples should not have sex right away

Posted at 02/04/2014 8:38 PM | Updated as of 02/06/2014 11:27 AM

MANILA – A parenting and relationship expert warned young couples not to have sex during their first two years as this may make things more complicated for them.

According to Maribel Sison-Dionisio, having sex may make partners see each other differently to a point that they tend to temporarily ignore issues and problems in their relationship.

“Huwag kang makipagtalik sa unang taon o ikalawang taon. Kasi siyempre ang pagtatalik, napakaganda o napakagwapo [ng tao na ‘yun para sa ‘yo]. Tignan muna natin ‘yung totoong pagkatao without sex. Diyan kasi nagkakamali ang marami, nagkakaproblema diyan,” she said in an interview on radio DZMM on Tuesday.

Sison-Dionisio added that some people tend to have a harder time leaving a relationship if they have become “too intimate.”

“Mas mahirap umalis sa relasyon ‘pag nagtatalik na,” she said.

Wait for 3 years to get married

She also warned against getting married after only knowing each other for six months or less, referring to the act as “suicide.” For her, couples should date for at least three years before deciding to tie the knot.

“Ang problema ng marami, nag-aasawa sila, nagpro-propose on the first year or six months, or even three months. Naku, ‘wag niyo ‘yun gagawin, suicide ‘yun,” she said.

“That’s very dangerous kasi kilala mo lang ‘yung isang aspeto ng tao, ‘yung bright side, ‘yung good side, hindi ‘yung weaknesses,” she added. “Better make it three years para wala na masyadong problemang mag-asawa.”

Sison-Dionisio noted that couples generally go through three phases in their relationship. The first phase, which takes place within the first six months, is when partners only see the good in each other.

“Ito ‘yung sinasabing when you fall in love, everything is beautiful. Pero may hangganan ‘yan kaya may pangalawang yugto,” she said.

By the time the couples celebrate their second anniversary, they begin to see each other’s weaknesses and faults, said Sison-Dionisio, adding that this is the time when most relationships come to an end.

“Nakikita na natin ‘yung totoong pagkatao… Ito ‘yung natural flow of love na we get disappointed,” she said.

If they manage to overcome this phase, it is safe to say that the couple is generally ready for marriage, according to Sison-Dionisio, who referred to the third stage as “acceptance.”

“Ito na ‘yung masasabi nating tunay na pagmamahalan,” she said. “May acceptance na at saka tested over time. Hindi lang ‘yung press release.”

Similar interests

According to Sison-Dionisio, couples will not have much of a problem if they have similar interests and values, and if they respect, trust and understand each other.

“The more interests you have in common, the more values you have in common, mas gusto mong kasama itong tao,” she said. “At dapat marunong kang makisama, na sige, tatanggapin ko ang gusto mo, pwede namang pag-usapan. Marunong tayong makiusap at marunong tayong making.”

“Dapat binibigyan niyo rin ng halaga ‘yung pagkatao niyo, ‘yung relasyon. Dapat nagbibigay ng oras,” she added. “Ang epekto nito, masaya kayong dalawa and you’re growing as persons, para wala na ‘yung seven-year itch.”