“Five minutes and we’re going to start.”

These words from the night’s host further unnerved the already jittery group of nine women. In a small room on the second floor of Rafa’s deli+café in Quezon City, the single ladies anxiously awaited what the night had in store for them. A bottle of wine, probably meant to calm their nerves and give them the necessary courage, had long been consumed.

Downstairs, they knew that a group of nine single men were also waiting for their cue.

Both groups had the same purpose in mind – to meet new people of the opposite sex, hopefully someone who has the same interests, within the five-minute allotted time.

When the emcee went back upstairs, she announced that the speed dating would begin.

Speed dating

Speed dating, according to Clarice Santiago, Rafa’s general manager, is one way to meet different types of people outside one’s circle of friends.

“[It’s] a social experience. Lalo na [para] sa mga mahiyain. Here, they get to experience meeting all kinds of people,” she said.

Rafa’s, a restaurant along Xavierville Avenue, Loyola Heights, has been organizing speed dating since three years ago. Santiago said that at that time speed dating was not yet as popular in the Philippines compared to Western countries.

Wikipedia defines speed dating as a formalized matchmaking process, the purpose of which is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people. Originally, speed dating was used to help Jewish singles meet and marry, it added.

Ever since the first speed-dating event took place in Beverly Hills 11 years ago, it has became popular among single people. It is coined as such because participants are expected to be engaged in a series of “short dates,” meaning one that lasts for several minutes only.  

In the Philippines, Santiago said since Filipinos are naturally shy and introverted it is hard to urge people to join, especially the guys.

“Pinoy kasi natatakot sila. When an idea is new, may tendency na takot silang i-try ‘yong hindi pa nila na-e-experience,” she said.

The singles

Information technology consultant Vice, 29, said there is nothing to be ashamed about in joining speed dating. For her part, she signed up for the event in order to widen her network.

“Kasi lagi na lang nakikilala mo kasama sa trabaho. [Outside] IT naman, outside your clients,” she said.

She said she wanted to meet someone interesting and who loves adventure.

Eighteen-year-old Wendy Ebete Villafuerte, on the other hand, found herself participating in the event at Rafa’s out of curiosity. 

“The crowd here is different and maybe I can meet someone cool,” Villafuerte said.

Villafuerte had no high expectations but she would rather not go out with older men.

For Victor, a 25-year-old call center agent, the Rafa’s speed dating last February 7 was his second time. 

“I made good friends but it didn’t turn into romance. [I joined] kasi I like the premise of meeting a lot of people,” he said.

He noted that speed dating allowed him to talk to people “you wouldn’t normally meet in a different setting.”

“I try not to get all my hopes up so I won’t get disappointed. Basically, I just want to keep meeting new people and see what the world has to offer in terms of personalities,” he added.
 
Rules

At Rafa’s, the 18 participants, majority of them first timers, were given five minutes to get to know each “date.” Women were seated at their assigned table. Men, on the other hand, would hop from one table to another after the allotted time.

For this year, Santiago said, in order to preserve the “intimacy” of the dating process, she and other organizers limited the number of participants. She said participants in some speed-dating events would have as many as 300 people.

The groups of men and women were also told to strictly follow one important rule: No exchange of contact numbers during the dates and even after the event.

Apparently, this is a precaution to keep the creeps and stalkers at bay.

Each participant (including this writer) was given an “answer sheet” wherein he/she could note his/her first impression of each date. After the rounds, the participants would be asked to write their top three choices.

If they were matched, meaning the name of the guy was on the top three list of the girl and vice versa, the organizers would send them a notification the next day through text message, with their respective contact numbers.

It is now up to the persons matched whether to pursue a date or not.

“If you get the basic gist of the person; if you can extract that much, then you get to see [if that person] is someone you can spend time with,” Victor, who admitted that he is shy, said.

‘Date’ begins 

Victor said he was once advised that the trick so that one would not come off as creepy is to have an “innate sense of sensitivity.”

“If you don’t have the innate sense of sensitivity, if you’re asking the wrong questions, then speed dating is not for you,” he said.

When everybody was seated at the designated table, the organizers gave the participants a signal to begin. Personally, and as what Allan, also a participant, pointed out, it was hard to establish rapport with nine different people within five minutes.

I found myself asking the same questions over and over again. Fortunately, I was able to "date” someone who was interesting enough, thus, making me stray away from my usual queries.

The five minutes could either go too slow or too fast, depending on my “date.”

By the time I got to my ninth “date,” I was already spent. I dreaded to think what I would do if we were 300 in the group.

‘Date’ ends

After the rounds, the participants still mingled, enjoying more conversations while eating pasta. The mood was more relaxed now.

Regardless of whether one found someone interesting in a romantic sense, speed dating was a fun way to meet new people.

Was the experience worth it? Allan observed: “You meet people pero nakakamatay ang speed…. brain jarring. It’s hard to cram oneself into a saleable five-minute spiel.” 

And the date did not end that night, technically. The question of whether those you found interesting also listed you on his/her top three choices was still left hanging.

But as what Vice surmised, at the end of the day, what one should relish was the experience of “dating” nine people in one night. Where else could you achieve the same feat?

Photos by Alberto Bainto