Posted at 11/07/12 7:29 PM

At last it can be revealed. Now we can announce the existence of a new class of Filipinos who apparently live among us, a category that only came into existence thanks to the Internet.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the "Fliptard."

What, you ask excitedly, is a Fliptard?

Well, to put it pompously, it is a neologism or portmanteau word that, in this country, apparently combines "Flip" (from "Filipino") with "tard" (from "retard"). See what they did there?

Next, we hear you asking enthusiastically, what is the meaning of that word? What are the precise parameters of its proper usage? On what occasions should it be used? And what attire is required? Should you wear a gown? Come as you are? Bring weapons?

The answers to those questions require sophisticated linguistic and cultural digressions and explanations, but we believe the easiest way to understand everything is thru the use of examples. Let us assume you are a Filipino who would like to use the word "Fliptard." For purposes of this discussion and to make things easy to follow let's just name you after the creator of the word "Fliptard."

So, here, Mister Douche, is a list of descriptions that fit the word "Fliptard.".

A Fliptard is anybody on the Internet who

1.        disagrees with you
2.        you don't like
3.        has very bad traits, such as failing to agree with you
4.        keeps correcting your (or as you would put it, "you're") grammar

By comparison, here is a list of what is NOT a Fliptard.

Not a Fliptard
1.        Me (Mister Douche)
2.        Dancing tights (that's LEOTARD, you Fliptard)

Our exhaustive and painstaking research has also revealed that there's a political context to the word. Apparently a Fliptard can be used to describe anyone who (1) Likes Aquino (2) Does not love Marcos (3) Thinks Marcos was a murdering dictator. There also seems to be a link between "Fliptard" and "Noytard" (supporter of Noynoy) though we have been unable to verify the existence of the word "Marcostard", presumably because it's common knowledge that if you're a Marcos supporter being called a "tard" is redundant.

While the word "Fliptard" has existed for several years, we've only called attention to it now because of the thorough and painstaking investigative process needed to verify its existence. This process consisted of spending a few minutes going through the comments sections of certain blogs and then fleeing before we lost our insanity. Some of these blogs, which have posts that begin with "it has been brought to my attention", are so low in the Google search results ranks you might get a wrist cramp from having to press the "Scroll Down" key so long. Apparently hardly anybody reads (or as their writers would say, "read's") these blogs, a factor which seems to be directly related to the high usage of the word "Fliptard."

Our investigation has determined that the most popular usage of the word "Fliptard goes like this. Instead of Mister Douche saying to his fellow online commenters:

Mister Douche:
I am a semiliterate insecure failure

He would do this:

Mister Douche:
You are a Fliptard

If Mister Douche is the sort of successful person who can't conjugate a correct English sentence out of four words; hates his job, or has no job you will certainly see him typing away to his fellows: "You are a Fliptard."

Given the way the word is being used, perhaps in the future we can see Mister Douche, non-Fliptard, visibly displaying his status. Perhaps he may even want to print himself a document to that effect for carrying around, because who knows? Maybe white redneck terrorists might take over a public vehicle looking for Filipinos to shoot and we all know how one Filipino looks just like any other, and they might pick out Mister Douche.

"Wait wait wait", we can already hear him screaming. "I have my ID right here! See, it says 'Not A Fliptard' -- it's issued by the Office of Because I Say So."

Gunshots follow.