During the Lenten season, presidential aspirants took the time to bury their blunders and resurrect with a new cycle of growth. At the Lakas-Kampi headquarters, Gloria Arroyo and Gay Gibo start with a heart-to-heart talk.

Ate Glo: Can you turn off that music for the moment? We need to talk.

G.G. (singing with his Apple iPod): “…Livin’ La Vida Loca!..”

Gloria yanks his earphones.

G.G.: What?! I’m listening to Ricky Martin. He finally came out of the closet, and I want to let myself out too! Hindi ko na kaya ate! (I can’t take it anymore, elder sister!)

Ate Glo: Stop talking like that! We need to protect our image. That’s why the Americans have the Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell policy enforced in their military. We almost disqualified your cousin and Villar for exceeding their ad airtimes. If we can set them up in similar ways, you’ll win through technicalities. Then you can make me the Prime Minister.

Meanwhile, at the Nacionalista Party headquarters, Danding Cojuangco and M.”Bi” Villar discuss their renewal strategy.

M.”Bi”: Lumampas na ang ad airtime ko. (My ad airtime is now over the limit.)

Danding: ‘Wag ka mag-alala. ‘Di naman nagbibilang ang tao. Tingnan mo ang pagkamatay at pagkabuhay ni Kristo. Sabi n’ya mabubuhay s’ya muli pagkatapos ng TATLONG araw at TATLONG gabi, pero ilang araw at ilang gabi ba mula B’yernes ng hapon haggang sa pagkabuhay ni Kristo bago mag madaling-araw sa Lingo? Ito ang katibayan ni Kristo na s’ya ang D’yos, pero mali ang pag-k’wenta n’ya. Hindi ‘to napapansin ng tao, kaya bakit nila papansinin ang pag-k’wenta ng airtime mo? (Don’t worry. People don’t count. Look at the death and resurrection of Christ. He said that he would rise again after THREE days and THREE nights, but how many days and nights are there from Friday in the afternoon up to his resurrection before sunrise on Sunday? This is Christ’s evidence that He is God, but his calculation is incorrect. People don’t notice this, so why would they notice the accounting of your airtime? )

M.”Bi”: Oo nga ‘no. Dalawang gabi lang ang bilang ko. (Yes, that’s right. I only count two nights.)

Danding: Alam mo, nasiraan ko ang Lolo ni Noynoy, si Don Pepe, at ang Hacienda Luisita n’ya. Kaya ikaw, kaya mo rin ‘yon. (You know, I was able to ruin Noynoy’s grandfather, Don Pepe and his Hacienda Luisita. So you can do that too.)

Simultaneously, a gathering was held at the Liberal Party headquarters. Noynoy speaks to his staff and volunteers.

Noy: Why did I exceed my ad airtime? Didn’t you keep an account of it?

Staff 1: Pasensya ka na kuya. Nakalimutan namin na O.C.—obsessive compulsive—pala ang Comelec. (Please have some patience with us, elder brother. We forgot that the Comelec is O.C.—obsessive compulsive.

Staff 2: And nobody really expects Pinoys to be strict with numbers. That’s why they only hire accounting college graduates as cashiers at SM Department Store, even though other countries require only high school students for that kind of job. People here take numbers loosely.

Noy: OK. Just be careful next time, OK?

Staff (in unison): Yes, sir!!!

Meanwhile, deep within the jungles of Mindanao, the members of Bangon Pilipinas discuss their plans.

MNLF soldier: Brother Eddie, ‘di ka naman Muslim. Bakit mo kami kinakampihan? (Brother Eddie, you’re not Muslim. Why are you on our side?)

Bro. Eddie: S’yempre schizophrenic ‘ata ako. Lahat ng relihiyon at lahat ng tao na sa ‘kin. Kaya sino pa ang maaasahan n’yo? Sino pa e’di AKO! (Of course, that’s because I’m schizophrenic. All religions and all people are within me. So who can you trust? No one else but the Great I AM! Brother Eddie!)

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Mga kababayan ko na umaasa ng mabago pa ang takbo ng ating inang bayan ng Pilipinas....Sana po ay maging alerto tayo at mapagmatyag sa mga pangyayari sa ating lipunan...kung saan man tayo nakatira o napadpad sa mundong ito ay dapat nating ipadama, ikalat at ipamalita sa lahat lahat ang taong karapat dapat na mamuno sa ating mahal na Pilipinas.

Hindi pa huli ang lahat kahit na huli siya sa mga survey at political ads...sige na at samahan niyo po ako na sagipin ang ating Pilipinas...Iboto natin si GILBERT "GIBO" TEODORO...siya lang ang my kakayahan na mamuno ng marangal at tapat sa ating bayan...Please po..nagmamakaawa ako sa inyong lahat...

jp po to from Mindanao and now in Saudi Arabia

As they say, sooner or later the truth will come out.

Now, the truth about Noynoy Aquino, the allegedly incorruptible and presidential candidate (at least according to his propagandists masquerading as opinion writers), is catching up with him.

This newspaper reported last week that shortly after People Power, that revolution that benefited Noynoy’s mother, Noynoy established a security agency that provided services to government corporations and even a company of taipans.

Noynoy was then 26 years old. In the incorporation papers of Best Security Agency, a company which carried his initials and which Noynoy ran with his uncle, Len Oreta (husband of former Senator Tessie Aquino Oreta), Noynoy used the address of his mother in Arlegui.

Oreta was chairman and president, Cipriano Lacson was director-treasurer, while Noynoy, George Gaddi, a Customs broker, Bienvenido Reyes, Alexander Lopez (son of former Manila mayor and now Manila Rep. Mel Lopez) were directors. Reyes is now Court of Appeals justice, appointed by President Arroyo. At one point, Noynoy’s agency had close to 1,000 security guards, but now has only about 300, according to Noynoy’s.

The cop-out (palusot) of Noynoy, when asked why he used Arlegui, the late President Cory’s official address, was: “What could I do? I lived in Arlegui at time. What’s so illegal about that?”

Santa Banana, Noynoy’s security agency had as clients facilities and buildings of companies sequestered by the Presidential Commission on Good Government. Others were the Philippine National Oil Company, Asiatrust, Tanduay Distilleries of Lucio Tan and Uniwide.

The Anti-Graft and Corrupt Practices Act is clear on conflicts of interest. “It is unlawful for any person having family or close personal relation with any public official to capitalize or exploit or take advantage of such family or close personal relation by directly or indirectly requesting or receiving any present, gift or material or pecuniary advantage from any other person having some business, transaction, application, request or contract with the government, in which such public official has to intervene.”

My gulay, Noynoy did not only use Arlegui as his official address but used his relation to his late mother as an advantage. And yet, he had the cheek to claim that he never committed a corrupt act.

***

But that’s Aquino—the candidate claiming he’s fighting graft and corruption, presenting himself as untainted and vowing that he won’t steal—for you. Well, what was it with his security agency bagging contracts with government corporations? Wasn’t that a conflict of interest punishable under the Anti-Graft and Corrupt Practices Act?

This reminds me, wasn’t this same group of Noynoy in the security agency that got involved, during the Cory regime, in the smuggling of Mercedes Benzes and BMWs from Germany, which led a very reputable finance secretary at that time to resign, but was prevailed upon by Cory to accept another cabinet portfolio? Ask Customs old-timers and they’ll you what happened.

I can only recall what the late acerbic Manila Mayor Arsenic Lacson said of a young councilor: “So young and so corrupt!”

If Ninoy or Mar is not running.

He's another man of Integrity.

Whoever wins, should uphold the Rule of Law! Lawlessness is so shockingly prevalent in Maguindanao, Sulu, and Tawi-tawi that local people feel so helpless.