Gabriela: Abused wives need divorce law
MANILA, Philippines – A national women’s rights organization said abused wives will benefit from a divorce bill filed by party-list lawmakers.
Gabriela said House Bill 1799, filed by its Representatives Luzviminda Ilagan and Emmie de Jesus, would help women who want to end a bad marriage.
"Nothing good could emanate from a marriage where there is no longer respect, love and affection between spouses. Most often, where marriage has taken the turn for the worse, it is the woman who suffers the brunt of it," Gabriela health and services director Obeth Montes said in a statement Saturday.
She said that of the 294 cases of violence against women that Gabriela received from January to May this year, 204 involved domestic violence.
In reviving the bill, de Jesus earlier said divorce is a more affordable option than annulment, for which the ground of psychological incapacity is often difficult to prove.
"Wife battery is a reality we cannot turn a blind eye to,” Montes said. “When a woman is beaten by her husband, she must have the freedom to take her exit out of the marriage; but women at the present do not have this option because existing laws on legal separation and annulment fail miserably to address this reality."
She said that many abused women want to end their marriages but find no help in existing laws.
“Thus, they find themselves suffering in silence putting up with the abuses,” Montes said. “The passage of a law that allows divorce is long overdue and necessary in a society where women remain marginalized and prone to many forms of domestic violence and abuses.”
All nations in the world -- except the Philippines and Malta -- allow divorce.
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SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE, NOT HYPOTHESIS OR ASSUMPTIONS
ANYONE who is abused should be allowed to end the legal contract of marriage. Otherwise, the law and government would itself be guilty of aiding and abetting assault, battery, rape and anything that is inflicted on the individual (and other family members/friends) by keeping them practically bound and gagged to the abuser.
I can speak on this because I am a divorcee-I married an abusive man in the US. I know what it is like to have been battered by a mentally unstable man; someone who had little regard for women (as it turned out) and even less regard for non-American women. He felt that women should be seen, not heard.
I had two priests and a monsignor advising me to consider MY welfare as a mother and file for divorce: HOW could I be a good mother if I am focused on being in fear of my own life? How can I trust my judgment IF I constantly second-guess myself after being treated like I'm stupid? (Look up "Battered Wives Syndrome")
For those claiming that young children will suffer, here is what will happen: If the abuser is the father, the lesson reinforced is that if you are male, it is ok to hit a female, and if you are female, you have to take the abuse whether you like it or not (Simply reverse these is the abuser is female). The children KNOW that their parent is being hurt-and will feel equally powerless in that situation and will grow up believing that they cannot affect anything. They are not devoid of truths in their surroundings. Having to live through the abuse (whether they simply witness it or receive it as well) will either train a new generation of abusers or raise psychologically inhibited, emotionally stunted (or both) people.
Quit taking away empowerment from the individual by making lives dependent on committee meetings, old doctrine made obsolete by today's existing challenges and stop abuse. Respect the individual and their inner strength by protecting THAT. Pass divorce and make it an individual choice. Do not be an accessory to continued domestic violence. Get these people and the children away from the abusers NOW.
A good option for all
The hypocrite down there is just not getting it. They are not saying its the final solution but rather an option. Marriage counselling should be a step in patching things up, give the couple some time if it didn't work then divorce will become the option. What if your partner becomes mentally incapacitated like superpilipinas, it should not the end of the world and be stucked with a maniac like him and be miserable forever. Everybody deserves to be happy, life has to go on. Only DSWD should be in-charge of this to maintain confidentiality of both partners. The idea of barangay captains checking on couples is stupid. You don't want to become an instant celebrity, do you? Go for the divorce law, down with the oldies and hypocrites.
Divorce is not a solution. It creates more problems.
Young children will suffer the most.
The solution to abuse is not divorce. Don't these people know about the quote "An ounce of prevention is better than a ton of cure"? Divorce is not even a cure.
Instead of a divorce law, a comprehensive law protecting and assisting spouses must be passed. The law must make it a crime with severe punishment, people who harm their spouses or children. Like in the case of Chavit, dapat nakakulong na siya regardless of circumstances. At the same time, the Social Welfare Department must be given the budget to have marriage counseling and to establish programs to provide effective assistance to battered spouses and children. Even the barangay capatains must be tasked and empowered to check on couples and families in their area and to find out those who are in need for services and those who have committed battery.
The churches should also work with the barangay captains and the social welfare department because it is their moral obligation.
Divorce is not a solution. Divorce from an abusive spouse can be followed by another divorce from another abusive spouse. How many times will the children have to suffer? Divorce creates more social problems. More young children will turn into drug addiction, engage in immoral or criminal activites, and it will create more burden to our government.
Been There Done That
To all of these self-righteous and hypocrite people who wanted to impose continuous hardship with already ailing lives of our fellow Filipino's.
Why don't we put all available options on the table and let those concerned individuals chose what solution suits them best given that they satisfy any legal obligation they must comply?
Is that too much for the "free people" and the so called Filipino "freedom"?
And why don't you stop shoving your obsolete-non-functional-old-age rhetorics of this and that and try opening your brain for some fresh air and start living in the 21st century where every viable option is used for the benefit of majority.
Not politically and religiously but what is really needed for the Filipino people to feel we are being heard and being given what we really needed.
We know our beloved country will be better without these hypocrites and selfish sheep disguised individuals.
Oh really?
The children are ALREADY suffering N O W, witnessing parental abuse and feeling helpless to save them; they will grow up unempowered with a warped sense of what marriage is based on the horrific memories they were bound to by some archaic notion not to take an abuser out of the picture because they are "mom" or "dad." You are, in effect, creating the perfect formula to perpetuate abuse, and a need to numb the pain through drugs, drinking, criminal behavior for attention.
You are dangerously advocating a third party intervention instead of truly empowering and protecting the abused from standing up on their own. As far as your theory about the chilrden of divorce, I can vouch for the fact that my children are neither criminals, drug users/abusers or miscreants of society, despite my raising them far away from family relations, as a single parent. They were raised strictly and yes, I managed to do so with the help of the church and my Philippine upbringing.
You are advocating to continue a course that has proven to be ineffective. You are advocating to continue exposing people to abuse and abusers to the point that it will be the only way of life and relationship they can identify with, so they will either become abusers themselves like those they saw every day of their lives growing up, OR they will seek out abusive relationships because their self-esteem will be non-existent.
Stop it. Wake up. Stop guessing, hypothesizing and prescribing if you haven't lived that life. Stop depending on someone else to find a solution and stand up.
Do you want to know who has the ultimate obligation to those children so they grow up to be viable, even-thinking citizens? The parents-and they are there to teach the kids how to become responsible FOR THEMSELVES. If one is abusive, you automatically negate BOTH parents trying to love and devote their attentions to raising the children.
If the child wants to become a criminal, they will, regardless of his/her parent(s) marital status. Trust me-the children know, more than you realize. Stop using them as an excuse to keep an archaic law based on an obsolete notion that all people will render respect and deserve trust within the contract of marriage.