What makes a relationship abusive? -- Katrina Legarda
KAT'S EYE | KATRINA LEGARDA, abs-cbnNEWS.com | 09/24/2008 3:24 AM
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The Subic Rape Case is in the news again, as legal luminaries are arguing before the Supreme Court that the convicted rapist must be turned over to Philippine authorities and jailed in a Philippine jail. Dapat nga na sa Muntinlupa na si Daniel Smith. But, because he is white, we brown people are once again intimidated, despite the fact that he committed violence against one of our own. And so I ease into the issue of violence, against women, and in the home.
American Department of Justice statistics reveal that among all female murder victims in 1998, 33% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends. Four percent of male victims were killed by their wives or girlfriends. In 1994, 37% of women injured by violence and treated in an emergency room were injured by someone they knew or lived with; less than 5% of men were thus injured and treated. Each year, an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence by family members against their mothers or female caretakers. And about 4 of 10 female victims of intimate partner violence lived in households with children under 12. These American statistics are very similar to ours. There is a warning, though, that these statistics remain highly contested because many do not report out of fear, or because they do not want to go to court, or because they do not think that what happened to them was a crime.
We lawyers (and I know the same problems are faced by social workers, counselors, and police officers) have huge difficulties handling domestic violence cases. We are not psychologists or psychiatrists, so we find ourselves struggling to understand the psycho dynamics of an abusive relationship. Dalton and Schneider1 tell lawyers that it is not enough that we take “a stand against partner abuse, insist that the legal system eradicate any residual tolerance for abuse or resistance to those who would challenge it, and offer legal assistance to women who seek to hold their batterers accountable.” This is because if we do not understand, then we cannot make laws , or implement laws, in ways to serve our clients; nor can we effectively represent our clients within the existing legal system; and we will encounter misunderstandings among the social workers, the law enforcers, and the judges who have power over our clients' lives. We need to learn how to help our clients within the non-legal system, in short.
What makes a relationship abusive? This is an age-old problem for social scientists. Some surveys consider one isolated act of physical violence – from a push, a shove, or a slap – as sufficient to be considered domestic violence. In the Philippines, the Supreme Court has ruled that incidents of physical violence must have occurred at least twice within the context of the cycle of violence. The problem with this limited concept of domestic violence is that nobody focuses on the the fact that physical violence is the culmination of a cycle of violence which starts with emotional or psychological abuse. Actually that is not quite accurate: sexual violence sometimes marks the end of a physical abusive incident – the man thinks that by forcing sexual intercourse or other sexual acts on his partner will show that he is sorry.
Emotional or psychological abuse as types of violence are not, unfortunately, considered dangerous enough by the courts to compel judges to quickly issue protection orders. Thus, financial or economic abuse allegations need to be proven before the courts will force the defendant to cough up cash and to give up property to the female partner. Emotional abuse, which do not include acts that lead to over physical violence, is also difficult as basis to obtain protection orders. Forms of emotional abuse include constant humiliation, insults, degradation, and ridicule. In our law, sexual infidelity is considered a form of psychological or emotional abuse, unfortunately, it is not one of the acts upon which a protection order will immediately issue either.
Yet, many battered women have told me that psychological degradation and humiliation are the most painful abuse they have experienced. There are no scars that can be seen by the naked eye; there are only hard pieces of what used to be their hearts. The impact of emotional abuse can be long-lasting and harmful to the woman's health, and the impact can be seen by medical tests: high blood pressure, ulcers, chronic back pain, chronic fatigue, tension headaches, stress, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and a loss of self-esteem and self-worth.
To leave you with some words and deeds that should make you wonder whether you are being emotionally abused: “shook a fist at you”; “made threatening gestures”; “napaka tanga ka”; “anong akala mo, maganda ka?”; “nasisiraan ka na ata, hindi totoo na may kabit ako”; “listen to my [wife/girlfriend/partner], doesn't she sound stupid?”; “I have never laid a finger on you, how can you say I am abusive?”
And worse of all, “I don't want to be with you anymore. You are not good enough for me.”
Please email through feedback@abs-cbnNEWS.com if you have any questions or comments. Till next time.
1Battered Women and the Law, 2001 ed, Foundation Press